Loss of Connection with Your Partner
If you aren't finding the same fulfillment from your relationship as you once did, now is the time for couples therapy. New Leaf Therapy is dedicated to helping couples discover ways to manage whatever life throws at them.
Online Couples Therapy Can Help You Heal and Enrich Your Relationships
If these statements sound true for you, you might feel embarrassed to open up about what you’re really going through to loved ones in your life. I am thinking - If these statements sound true for you, You might feel embarrassed to open up to loved ones about what you’re really going through.
Have the intimacy you want with your partner.
Improve your relationship with yourself and those you choose to share yourself with.
Create a more meaningful life based on who you are and what you desire.
Have the loving relationships you’ve always wanted.
Do you feel like your relationship is in a rut?
Are you having the same fights, about the same things, over and over again?
You may feel the strain of contention that fuels the undercurrent of disconnect between you in any conversation.
Perhaps you are frustrated, running up against the same roadblock time and time again. You may feel like life is being wasted on being unhappy.
Maybe you don’t feel seen, heard, or respected by your partner.
Maybe there's been a breach of trust, and you wonder how your relationship will recover.
No matter what you try, the struggles between you and your partner aren’t getting resolved.
All relationships can feel stuck and overwhelming at times. Life stress creeps in: your career, the kids, the in-laws, taking care of extended family members...
The unique challenges of these situations get in the way of focusing on your relationship the way you’d like to. Maybe your stresses stem from being in the “Sandwich Generation” and you’re feeling intergenerational pressure from both sides as you take care of the needs of your parent's and your children. Getting through these times depends on good communication and respect with your partner.
One of the most important aspects of being in a healthy relationship is being with someone who really “gets” you. Someone you can trust to hear you for what you’ve said, and support you in the things you need.
Equally important is being with someone who helps you feel safe, both in the relationship and in your own skin. The security of your relationship is a critical indicator of its health.
When those things are violated or neglected, reaching for support provides hope and tools to recover and grow.
Online couples therapy can help you get back to where you want to be with your partner.
This cycle of negativity may feel endless as it takes you back to feeling frustrated and hurt. You don't have to feel this way. You can turn this around for yourself and for your relationship.
You just need the right guidance.
Couples therapy will support you in meeting conflict head-on
so you can rise above it and begin moving toward your ideal life with fewer arguments and more affection.
In therapy, you will benefit from my unbiased perspective and outside opinion that will help you to identify harmful patterns you may have lost sight of in the repetition of daily life. We will create the opportunity to learn practical and actionable tools to feel safer and more connected in your relationships, as an individual and together with your partner.
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Even if you are not sure if your problem is “serious enough” to need it, couples therapy may be able to help. We will identify the major themes that fuel your disagreements and discover how and when to discuss them when neither of you is escalated. This can be incredibly helpful in facilitating solutions and, overall, contribute to the success of your relationship.
I’ve helped couples on the brink of divorce rediscover what made them fall in love in the first place and I can help you too. I’m also experienced in working with couples who are generally happy but want to work out the kinks in just one or two problem areas. Through connecting and communicating with non-judgemental support, couples have the chance to get the spark back and fall in love all over again.
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How we’ll work together to heal your relationship
1. Create a safe space
I will facilitate a safe, accepting space so that you will feel comfortable sharing your struggles with me. The foundation of our success starts here.
2. Get familiar
Through hearing your story, I will start to get a picture of what your challenges are. We will spend time talking about the challenges that have led you here.
3. Identify problem areas
We will start by helping you with immediate concerns like managing difficult emotions and challenging life situations so that we can face them head-on.
4. Establish hopes and goals
We will work to discover what your goals are in therapy and in life. These are a critical part of your healing and hope for the future.
5. Reach and resolve
Keeping your unique goals in mind, we’ll figure out what’s needed to help you reach them.
6. Heal
Over the course of our sessions, you will start making progress toward the life and relationship you desire.
You deserve to have a happier, healthier relationship.
Couples Therapy consists of both one-on-one meetings and sessions together to help you work through your concerns.
In addition to listening, I will play an active role to support your communication and, ultimately, your healing. My goal is always to motivate you with ideas and offer tools developed from proven methods.
The Gottman Method.
Founded on research spanning many years of information and experiences. We will identify the variables making your relationship feel like a battlefield and work to correct and resolve them. Oftentimes, these difficulties are rooted in the 4 Horsemen outlined in Drs John and Julie Gottman’s research.
Treating another with disrespect, mocking them, scoffing, eye-rolling, and calling them names is contemptuous. The person on the receiving end of contempt feels worthless and despised.
To respond to the contemptuous statement, use “I” statements to express how you feel about the situation.
“You” statements can feel like accusations.
This is a response to criticism that involves blaming the other person. If the critical spouse does not apologize or back down a bit, defensiveness will escalate the conflict, which blocks healthy communication.
A way to lower the defenses is to own and express your own responsibility in the way the problem has occurred.
Accountability is important in resolution.
This threat to healthy communication is where attempts to provide feedback feel like talking to a stone wall. Stonewalling is when the listener shuts down and stops responding to their partner.
When stonewalling is present, take a break. A 20-minute walk.
Make an effort to soothe yourself before you come together for constructive conversation.
Different than a critique, criticism is an attack on someone and makes them feel attacked and hurt. After years of living together, many couples develop a running list of complaints in their mind about the way their partner moves throughout life. Even when small criticisms are shared, they add up and lead to a common refrain: "I just can't do anything right."
To counter criticism, be courteous. Say “please”, or “Would you do me a favor?” Try to frame the critique to focus on what could be done differently in the future.
Let’s get started now
The first step in reducing these traits is to notice them as they are happening, before they can stir up resentment. We will work on this immediately, then move on to learning about healthier ways to interact with each other that move you toward conflict resolution. Reducing the occurrence of the Four Horsemen by expressing mutual respect and fondness for each other is possible with the right tools. You can start enjoying each other’s company again.
Other Skills You'll Learn In Couples Therapy
Do you miss the fun you used to have together? Are you craving some healthy connection with the person you chose to spend your life with? A good, reliable friendship is one of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship. We have some tools that can help with this too.
Find your center
We have many tools available within your therapy experience to help you connect with your calm. Relaxation methods and hypnotherapy can be incorporated into your sessions and into the rest of life.
Hypnosis, exercise, and a pleasant approach to conflicts in your relationship can be just what you need to turn things around for you and your partner. These tools can help you work through hurdles along the way from a starting point of calm.
Connect with intention
A sense of connection that is purposeful and focused on the moment is important in an intimate relationship.
Good listening skills are a part of a good, rewarding connection.
Focus on the other person for a while to let them know that they are heard and acknowledged. Be present.
Respond better to needs
You said it so many times and it just wasn't heard. What is missing in this communication? What do you have to do to be heard?
Learn how to identify your needs and communicate them in a way that you feel heard and acknowledged. With the right tools, it is possible to recognize when your partner needs something and you can help with fulfilling the need or want.
Increase appreciation
Loving thoughts are not enough. Relationships require action and expression. Showing your appreciation for your companion in ways that they can receive is key.
It will help them to know that what they are doing and who they are is important to you. Telling your partner what you appreciate about them, putting a love note where they will find it later, and saying thank you when they do something to please you are ways to show what you love about them.
Did You Know?
Research shows that Couples Therapy can positively change your thinking, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors. It can help you let go of what’s holding you back.
Frequent Fears about Online Couples Therapy
Are You afraid that...
This happens sometimes. While it is best when both partners are involved in the growth process that therapy provides, it’s not always possible. We are happy to work with you individually to focus on your role in the relationship.
There’s no defined timetable on couples therapy. Each couple has different strengths, goals, and levels of motivation. All of these things play a part in discerning how long it takes to get things back on track and moving forward in a positive direction that honors you and your life goals.
Whether you want to stay together, you're both committed to making it work, or want to end things gracefully, we can help you make it a reality. We will discuss your goals in your first session. If you change your goal, we will support you in that too.
It is understandable that meeting may feel difficult with clashing, busy schedules. To best accommodate your schedule, I have a flexible one: Seven days a week, 11:00 am – 9:00 pm, right where you are through telehealth.
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